Trusting God

 

Give all your worries to Him because He cares about you. -1 Peter 5:7


I just began a Bible study from a dear friend and mentor of mine. She gave it to me a few months back but I am just now finally sitting down to read through it and thought I'd invite yall along on my journey through Experiencing God with Max Lucado. 

I could count my trials and troubles in life. So so many. I tend not to except when talking with my husband, journal or therapist but I will now. We struggle to pay bills...some months we can't or we barely pay them with nothing leftover for food. I have a child with mental health issues who breaks my heart into pieces over and over again. I am a mom who has no clue what she is doing and who questions every single choice I make wondering if its right or wrong. I struggle with chemical depression...meaning nothing causes it but just the chemicals in my brain get out of whack and there is nothing I can do to really prevent it but I have to find ways to keep going when it takes all I have just to get up and shower each day. So I take the medications and I go to therapy and I exercise and do all the things they tell me to do. But sometimes it doesn't help. Where is God when I am here in this darkness crying and screaming out to Him for help for relief from the relentless hopelessness and fear inside? Is He asleep? Is He even there? 

Lucado says in his book that we should fully lean on and depend on God. But doesn't God help those who help themselves though? I struggle with this because I don't know that God really just wants me to sit by and wait and be still. I feel I should be up and fighting as hard as I can and then and only then will He step in behind me and fight? Maybe I'm wrong? I've always been super bad at being still and quiet.

Reading further it does make some sense though. I think when I can do things to help I should. But there are times when things really are out of my control. It's in those times when I really can't do anything or don't know what to do that I need to learn how to be still and trust in God to take care of it. 

If I'm being totally honest, my faith and trust in God are so tiny. I know I SHOULD trust and have faith and I feel ashamed of how little mine really honestly is. I want to have a stronger faith and trust. But how? When things go beyond what I can handle, I must learn to sit still and just breathe. In and out. In and out. And while I do this He will step in and fight for me. If I trust in Him I can overcome my constant fear and I can fly so much higher than I can even imagine in this life. 

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